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HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, or something.
tentacle cute baby baby swish
So I turned 27! On January 1! things happened!

A lot of good things. A few bad things. I will try to update on my life when I'm not completely fucking enraged. Haha, no, not internet capslock funny faux enraged. Enraged. Straight enraged. Don't even attempt to talk to me about it unless you want walls of text.

But whatever! to the new year! to making buckets of money via art!

Really, my birthday sucked dick. We are accepting belated congrats and thought gifts (or, you know, actual gifts for those of you who like amazon wishlists) because...because yeah. Anyway.

I watched a bunch of movies. One of them was the new Hobbit movie. Sulky Teenage Legolas™ was way more fun than Standard Legolas™. His color scheme here is way better and more alien--blonde hair now white, eyes an unearthly blue, skin unnaturally pale. His outfit is darker, too, and his voice is WAY lower and, uh, way more manly? And really, Angry Manly Legolas™ is actually pretty attractive? While Standard Legolas™ comes across as a poncy blonde douchebag to me? And I just want to punch him in face, like, not in a sexy way? But Brooding Scowling Legolas™ I'd get into an erotic fistfight with. I mean, I'd lose, but...I would still be winning, you see.

I am known for hating elves and I've run whole dungeons&dragons characters on this prejudice, but hot damn do I love elves done properly, all alien and weird and superior. Usually, "elves are better than you" is an informed attribute, and we're supposed to just accept that elves are somehow magically great when they seem like wusses in shitty green tights. In The Desolation of Smaug, though, elves actually just are better than you. You see them be better than everyone. Legolas can shoot you with his bow when you're standing like a foot away from him, because WHATEVER, elves are great. He superman punches an orc? Why?? BECAUSE ELVES ARE GREAT, THAT'S WHY.

But was Legolas the best elf?

No. Not nearly.

Who was the best elf?

THIS BITCH. Legolas's dad. King Thranduil. KING BADASS, AM I RIGHT?

Like his movement is all sinuous and oddly graceful--like a snake or a mongoose or something else that can fuck your shit up, not like a delicate beautiful bird or whatever. And he's haaaauughty. And he looks down on Thorin (I LOVE MOVIE THORIN) but also, like, patronizes his own son and he's just elegant and alien and weeeeiiird and it's great.

(My favorite movie Elven royalty, though, is Prince Nuada from Hellboy 2. It's just that Hellboy 2 is, in my opinion, a horrible fucking film.)

Anyway, like. Bring on the Thranduil porn, is what I'm saying. Also, the bizarre crossover where him and Hannibal as played by Mads Mikkelsen somehow hang out, being all graceful deadly and beyond conventional morality together.

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OH GOD I KNOW. I love Thranduil so goddamn much. And Lee Pace in anything for that matter - have you seen Pushing Daisies? I loved that show so much - I really must watch it again. Anyway.

And Sulky Teenage Legolas was hilarious! I think he's sulky because his dad is about 500 times hotter AND cooler than him, and everyone knows it. Also, that gif above there is the best thing ever, and I have watched it way too many times now, and it's still funny. :) Also I love the weird costume design in this - that head-dress! So fabulous!

I totally had a crush on Legolas when the first LOTR movies came out, but I get where you're coming from with the elves being douchebags in green tights thing though. Yep.

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